My Fault
by Krayla Pipher
Summary: Our favorite family is back from 2105, but lost Splinter along the way. Now Leo, Raph and Mikey must do their best to keep Donny from blaming himself. Better summary later *tired* R
1. Chapter 1

My Fault

_"Master Splinter. Where home, but Master Splinter. . .Father! He's. . ." Donny hung his head as Raphael placed a comforting, knowing hand on his shoulder. "And it's all my fault!" he shouted as he clutched his head. _

"_My fault!"_

"_My fault!"_

"_My fault!"_

"_My fault!"_

"My. . .fault. . ." Donatello said to himself as he sat in front of his work bench, still numb at the recent disappearance of their father; Master Splinter. He hadn't moved an inch since he locked himself in his lab the moment they got home. He grew tired of his brothers; Leonardo, Raphael and even little Mikey telling him through his door that it wasn't his fault. He knew better. It was his fault. He was the one who reactivated Serling's weapons systems. He was the one who turned the decompiler program into a particle blast. If he would have never done such a thing, or maybe if he would have taken the weapons off line once he shot Viral, maybe. . .maybe their Father wouldn't be scattered into thousands of bits in cyber space right now.

Donny clenched his hands into tight fists and he stood up suddenly and with a mighty yell cleared his lab table of its projects and tools. The action made him weak and the room spun, forcing him to grab onto the table so he wouldn't fall on his shell. He once again became still as he now stood on unsteady legs.

Six days. . .six days since they returned home. Six days that he's been locked in his lab. Six days since he's been working on this stupid algorithm. Six days. . .that their Father has been scattered in cyber space. "It should be me," he whispered as he lowered his head feeling the pricks of tears coming to his eyes once more. No! He wouldn't cry. He didn't deserve to cry. It's his fault that their Father is gone, he wouldn't allow himself to cry, or eat, or sleep. He didn't deserve any of it. He wanted to die, but even that would be a release from this hell, and he most definitely didn't deserve that.

"Doing a little remodeling Donny?" Raphael's voice came from behind him. He turned around and faced his red clad brother; his eldest brother was walking in behind Raphael.

He never even heard the door open. "How. . ." Donny's voice sounded off to his ears. It sounded. . .small.

"It's not that hard to pick these locks Donny-boy," Raph said as he twirled a small metal rod in his hand.

"I'll remember that from now on, now if you'll excuse me I have work to do," he said turning his back on his older brothers and started to pick up the now broken electronics off the ground.

Leonardo and Raphael exchanged a look before the blue clad brother advanced on his younger sibling. "Don, we're worried about you. You've been in here for almost a week now. You need to stop blaming yourself."

Before Leo could even say 'it's not your fault,' Donatello spun around to face his brother, only to regret it a second later as the room once again spun. He recovered quickly and balled his fists as he glared at his eldest brother. "Don't even say it Leo! It IS my fault!" Don screamed at Leo, his voice cracking.

"Donny!" Raph tried to keep his voice calm, but seeing his little brother in such distress was pissing him off. He couldn't seem to help his brainy brother which made his feel useless, and he hated feeling useless. It just pissed him off even more.

"NO!" Donny screamed as he slammed his fist on his lab table, sending the few remaining objects that had escaped his wrath earlier to tumble to the floor. "I. . ." he stopped for a moment and held his head. _'Oh god. . .my head is killing me. Why can't they just leave me alone!'_ he thought as he regained his composure glaring at the concerned faces of his brothers. "Why do you care?" He seethed quietly. He let his question hang for a minute before continuing louder. "I killed our father! Why the hell do you care what happens to me?! You should be the ones ready to kill me, and believe me, I wouldn't stop you." His headache was now pulsing with his heartbeat which only served to make him nauseous, and make the room tilt and spin in wild, unpredictable ways. He suddenly felt cold as he stumbled back two steps so he was leaning on his workbench. _'This is. . .new,'_ he thought as he held his head once more.

Scared that their brother would hurt himself in his unstable condition, Leo and Raph rushed to Donny's side as he fell against his workbench. While Raph slinked an arm behind his brother's shell, Leo seized Donny's left arm. He was so shocked by the intense heat that was radiating from his little brother that he almost let go by reflex. Leo's eyes grew wide as he quickly placed his free hand on Don's forehead.

The blue clad turtle's expression was unsettling as Raph watched Leo. "What's wrong?" he asked quickly, there was something about it though that was very un-Raph like.

"He's got a fever. A high one," Leo's voice was dark; it held anger, but most of all concern.

'_Fever,'_ the word rang in Donny's head which now felt like a huge void in which he was floating in. He felt so light, but also very heavy – and cold. _'That doesn't make sense,' _Donny told himself as he 'floated' between his brothers, his eyes now closed. _'How could. . .I have a fever? I'm so cold.'_

Donny gained some coherence back, enough to realize that he wanted to be left alone. He summoned the rest of his strength and tried to push his brothers away from him, but all he succeeded in doing was falling to his knees; moaning as he felt frantic arms latch onto him to keep him from falling completely to the floor. A static filled his ears as he saw multi-colored dots flash behind his closed eye lids; his head pounded more fiercely than ever.

'_Let's move him to his bed,' _he heard a voice say and sure enough a few seconds later he felt the floor drop from beneath him. He moaned at the sensation as it made him sick to his stomach. He just wanted to let go, fall into the black abyss that was slowly covering his mind. _'I'm passing out,'_ he thought objectively as he fought to stay awake. _'No. . .I don't deserve rest. I'm glad this is happening. I'm glad I finally get to suffer physically for my crime.'_

Suddenly he felt his world tilt again, but he quickly realized that it was Raph and Leo guiding his descent. He could not withhold the moan of relief as he sank into his soft mattress and pillows. Almost immediately though he rebelled at such comfort and began to shift off the bed. Unluckily for him though, Leo and Raph were there to stop such efforts. He fought them - though it wasn't much of a fight in his weakened state. He soon heard voices from above him.

"Donatello! Stop this right now. We don't want to, but we will tie you to the bed if we must." Leo's voice warned as he tightened his grip on his brother's wrists which were secured by his head. He stole a glance at his red clad brother who had secured Don's legs.

Raph knit his brow in worry as he tightened his grip on Donny's legs. "Should we get some of his 'happy juice'?"

Leo thought for a moment as he stared down at his distressed younger brother. "No. Let's try something less drastic first." As he spoke he leaned down closer to the purple clad turtle locking Don's arms with his forearms. He then began massaging said turtle's temples with gentle but firm pressure, whispering soothing words into his ear. He witnessed Master Splinter do this when he was younger when Mikey was sick and had an extremely hard time sleeping; he hoped he acquired the skill that worked so well in his Sensei's hands.

Raph watched in awe as Donny's strength began to fail him, and his breathing deepened. He saw Leo nod back in his direction and he oh so slowly released Don's legs while he watched Leo with the same stillness release their brother's arms - still continuing his ministrations, though lighter in pressure.

The comforting whispered words, the slow release of his limbs and the warming sensation that raked his body from Leo's 'attack' on his stressed head all caused a sensation of zero G's. Donny felt like he was floating but in a good way this time. He felt so light and warm; like he was lying and covered in a warm cloud. He tried to escape the comforting sensation, the outward show of love and concern from his brothers, but it was no use. His head soon fogged over as he tumbled into the welcoming darkness. His last though before knowing sweet oblivion was one that brought tears to his eyes, _'Father. . .please. . .forgive me.'_

Leo and Raph both sighed when Donny finally succumbed to sleep; Leonardo cradling Don's head in his hand for a moment. He was shocked when he felt something wet run down his hand and quickly turned back to his brother. Seeing Donny in so much pain made Leo want to cry as well, but he had to be strong for his family, now more than ever. He carefully untied Don's mask and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"Is. . .he going to be all right?" Raph asked as he watched Leo place the now wet bandana on the night stand.

"I. . .hope so Raph. I really hope so." He said almost in a whisper. "All we can do is be by his side."

Raphael nodded, "And tell him that none of this was his fault until it finally gets through that thick head of his."

Leo just nodded in response.

* * *

Don't worry, Mikey's coming up soon. XD

TMNT is not mine. This is purely fanmade! Not for profit.


	2. Chapter 2

My Fault

Michelangelo skateboarded into the lair with four large pizza boxes balanced high above his head with one hand. "Attention ladies and gentle turtles, the pizza has arrived!" he announced as he set the four boxes on the dining room table.

When he didn't hear any response after a moment, Mikey started to get a little worried. The first thing he noticed was that Donatello's lab door was actually open! Mikey was unsure whether to be happy or worried, but it was decided for him when he heard voices from Donny's room. Mikey quietly made his way to the door as he listened to the voices inside.

'_Is. . .he going to be all right?' _that was Raph.

'_I. . .hope so.'_ Leo now. Where they talking about Donny? Well, duh! Who else would it be? But. . .what do they mean 'will he be all right?' and 'I. . .hope so.'?!

Mikey's heart thumbed harder and faster as he quickly made to stand in front of his older brother's door. He looked inside and saw three turtle shapes; two standing, one not. "Donny!" Mikey gasped as he ran to his brother's side.

Leo and Raph quickly turned to see their baby brother run inside the room. All they could do was lower their heads, and hope he had not heard them before. Leo watched the heart wrenching scene as Mikey kneeled next to Donny's bed and took his hand; a shocked look coming to his face when he felt the fever.

Raphael decided it was best that he let Leo deal with the questions as he walked out to get a cool wash cloth for his brainy, but stupid brother.

"What's wrong with him, and what do you mean you **hope** he'll be okay?!" Mikey's voice cracked with anger as he looked up at his eldest brother, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

'_Shell. . .'_ Leo thought as he once again lowered his head and closed his eyes. _'I was really hoping he didn't hear that.'_ Leo took a deep breath and met his brother's eyes once more. "Mike, he'll be okay. He just needs to rest."

"That's not what you said before! You don't need to lie to me Leo! I'm the youngest, but I'm not stupid!" Mikey shouted as tears began to fall down his cheeks. He tried to stop them, but they wouldn't listen to him, _'Argh! Stop it! He's never gonna believe me if I keep crying like a baby!' _

"I'm not lying to you Mike." Leo said softly. "I'm just trying to stay optimistic. I don't think he's in any danger of dying, especially if we get his fever down."

"Then. . ." Mikey sniffed, "What did you mean before?"

Leo sighed, "I was saying I don't know if he would be okay mentally Mikey. He still blames himself for what happened to Master Splinter. That's why he's not eating or sleeping, and that's why he's sick right now. It could be that when he gets 'better' he'll fall into these same old habits."

"And he'll get sick again." Mikey finished Leo's statement quietly as he held onto Don's hand tighter. It was quiet for a long time, the silence felt like a great weight crushing the two conscious turtles. Then a small voice broke the silence, "I can't do this anymore."

Leo was shocked so much that he didn't respond right away, so Mikey continued. "I just can't Leo. I try so hard to be the 'funny one'; to keep everyone's hopes up. I try so hard to keep Raphael from going to the surface too much by being stupid so he wastes his energy on me. I try to keep you from being so distant and locking yourself in the dojo for hours on end. And I try really hard to keep Donny from working too hard and locking himself in his lab." Mikey was sobbing by this point as he rested his head on his brother's hand. "Look how well I did that. He's been locked in his lab for almost a week. I couldn't do anything for him, and now he's sick. He wouldn't even listen to me!"

Raph was outside the door listening for quite some time, he felt so stupid that he didn't see his baby brother's pain. _'I'm striking out big time here.'_ He thought as he squared his shoulders and walked into the room. He saw Mikey kneeled down on the floor - sobbing into the comforters - and Leo looking like a deer in the headlights. _'Nice going, Fearless.' _Raph carefully leaned over Mikey and placed the cold cloth on Don's forehead; then he steeled his nerves for what he was about to do. He first shot Leo a glare that said 'Not a word,' then leaned down behind his sobbing baby brother. He placed his hands on Mike's shell and gently pulled him into a sitting position. The orange one resisted as first, but soon relented and allowed himself to be turned around somewhat.

Without warning, Mikey latched onto his brother as his tears increased. Raph was shocked at first, but recovered as he quickly wrapped his arms around Mikey's shell and rocked him back and forth. "It's okay Mike. It's not your fault. Shh. . .it's okay." He whispered into his baby brother's ear as he tried to calm him down. He stole a glance to Leo who had moved to sit on the bed and fidget over Donny. _'Strange, I always took Donny to be the 'Mother Hen' type.' _

"I just can't do this," Mike sobbed weakly into Raph's plastron.

"Shh. . .you don't have to Mike. Me and Leo will take of things."

"It's just hard. . .trying to act like nothing's wrong." He hiccupped before continuing. "I miss Master Splinter. I want him to come back, and I want Donny to be okay again. Why can't things just go back to the way they were?! Why can't things just stay fixed?!" he shouted angrily as he tried to push away from his older brother.

Raph beat him to it though, sensing his anger and tightening his hold against his fleeing brother. "Shh. . .it's okay Mike. We'll make it better. Everything will be normal again. You'll see," he said as he looked up at Leo who looked back with equally sad eyes. They both knew that they were making promises they couldn't keep – even though they wanted to so badly. They didn't even know if Splinter was alive or not. They figured Mikey knew it as well; he wasn't stupid as he said, but he was the most optimistic out of all of them, so just maybe that little pep talk would spur his fire again. Anything to get him to smile.

* * *

Hope you enjoy. This is on hold until I figure out how I want to end it. XD Suggestions are always welcomed.

TMNT is not mine. Ths is purely fanmade! Not for profit.


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